Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Mid-blah Blah Talk

I don't know what my problem is. I can't shake this blah feeling. I am just not my normal peppy self and I am not feeling very confident about said self. I think part of it was Father's Day. I don't think about the holiday much but I've noticed the picture in my head when I do: you know the greeting card commercial with happy sons and daughters spending time with dad in the sunshine. Dad's opening his gift-boxed tie as happy son or daughter beams next to him. And then there are the funny jokes. I use the word funny loosely. Anyway, you know, hahaha isn't it funny how it's hard to find a gift for dad that doesn't suck. Hahaha isn't funny how dad's hog the remotes and like power tools. Hahaha. So funny. It all really makes me feel both unloved and left out. I'll never have a dad to cheer me on or scrutinize the boys I bring home. I'll never have a dad to hate my gift or to pretend he really likes it. I can't enjoy a DQ Father's Day cake with my dad. I can't watch my dad drink a pina colada in a hawaiian shirt and a bad hat on a hammock in the back yard. I have no one for whom to to buy the sail boat card with the cheesy metallic script. I can't roll my eyes and say "dad" with two syllables when my dad says something ridiculously dad-like. I'm not saying this like "ooo poor miserable me" or anything like that. I'm just expressing to myself as much as to you, my treasured audience, why I feel this way and I suppose why it's ok. Like all blahs this blah will pass but sometimes it helps mid-blah to discuss the blah a bit. Hopefully that's true this time.

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