Monday, October 02, 2006

Adjustments All Around

Guess what! We moved into the OHOOD! For Real! It was a very hectic weekend and the blissful aura is only descending on me now. In the short term we're tired and busy and adjusting and working out kinks but the big picture is so lovely. In particular we are adjusting to not enough covers and too much snoring (apparently I can saw up some wood myself!) We are also working hard to respectively tolerate cats and manipulate good cat behavior. So far it's going pretty well. Mrp had a brief scare in the middle of the night when tubby Astrid "lunged" at him and Fort succumbed to motion sickness on the ride over and puked a little in his carrier.

The other adjustment of note is the fact that every time there is a significant relationship change I need extra reassurance. In a way, I need to be reaccepted. Subconsciously I fear that with intensification of the relationship comes the point at which mrp realizes that I'm a pain in the ass. Don't get me wrong. I am a pain in the ass. I worry he will realize I am not the cute cuddly pain in the ass who tries really hard not to be so much of a pain in the ass. Mrp on the other hand, withdraws a little to cope with the adjustments. He seems to need to step back a little and process the change by himself before coming back in close. I understand that and appreciate that about him. It makes sense. However, when I am not fully cognizant of this fact I misinterprate this brief and mild pulling away as some sort of unacceptance--the calm before the post-relationship-change abandonment. We went through something similar after I moved to NYC and when I returned. I addressed this with mrp yesterday and he sweetly explained that he never unaccepted me to have to reaccept me. I guess I'm not used to being and feeling so accepted. It's a great thing to have to adjust to.

That's interesting, for all the difficult things to adjust to, most of those things are life bonuses and very few of them are compromises. Even the ones that go against my nature--like cleaning up after myself--are things that might be hard in the short-term but make me a better person.

But yeah, yesterday I pulled up with the groceries and the chubbiest chubby woodchuck was munching on some grass. He looked at me and then froze before jiggling off to his haven in the hole under the woodpile. Little does he know now that he'll be seeing a lot more of me.

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