Monday, January 15, 2007

Tales of an Overzealous Slimeball

I feel like a slug. I only ran 4.5 miles today. It's in the plan and good considering my IT Band is out to get me but still. I hate feeling like a wuss. But it's necessary wussiness and part of the master plan for tough-girl salty one so that's what I have to do. Fine.

Oh, and I think way too much about running. I don't think about it as much when my legs feel happy. It's when I get a little ouchy that things start getting a little OCD. I start analyzing everything to find the souce of the ouchiness. I'm thinking this time it might be shoe related. But it's probably a combo of surfaces, shoes, getting over an injury in the other leg, running too many weeks of volume when I was supposed to be taking it easy, increasing intensity and general overzealousness.

Yesterday mrp made the interesting observation that with running I am organized, precise, and anal-retentive. I am organized, precise, and anal-retentive in absolutely no other area in my life. Running has helped me get a little less unorganized, sloppy, and careless in other areas of my life but that's it. I suppose I was pretty on top of things in law school, but it was definitely different. There's something about me and quantifiable activities. I always knew what my gpa was to the thousandth and what I needed to get in any given semester to achieve the gpa I wanted. Hmmm.

Somewhere I developed the belief that I am only valuable as a person to the extent I make quantifiable achievements--grades, awards, fast races, etc. I have to work hard to debunk this belief and replace it with the belief that I am a good person because I am me. I don't need awards or stuff to be good. It takes a load off to not have to come up with new achievements all the time. I can do what I want to do and if there's some award or some braggable outcome great, but if not so what? That's not to say I am now going to be lazy and seek to not achieve--no, it just means the achievement itself is not the main focus for my decision-making. It means that if I don't quite meet the standard I've determined is what I need to be good that I'm not a bad person. I'll still strive and work hard, don't you worry!

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