Friday, October 26, 2007

Loaded with Something

Uh oh. I've been drinking coffee all afternoon and I'm bored at work. This is a recipe for a blog disaster.

So last night, Mrp made an interesting observation: when we first started dating I ran for the hell of it while he was running 100+ miles a week preparing for the New York Marathon. Now, he runs for the hell of it while I'm (well, was) running sort of almost 100 miles a week preparing for the the Columbus Marathon. And this came up because I talk incessantly about it. He thinks it's funny, bless his little heart. I can't tell you how much I miss it as I haul my tight little stumpy legs around dreary downtown Cleveland during my lunch hour for 3 or 4 measly miles at a time. Joseph just posted about how his new coach told him he was going to overhaul his training to impose patience and self-control upon him. Hey, Tinman, are you listening? I need some of that! Oh yeah. You already know that, don't you.

But I am feeling better. I am still sad about the race, I'm not going to lie. I know everyone thinks I'm being one of those people who whines even when they got it good. But like I said, I can't help how I feel. Tinman suggested I post my race report over on therunzone, so I did. One of the frequent posters (who is a runner I am in awe of, by the way) there replied:

Well done Salty. I was aware before the race that you had hopes of a little faster finishing time, but when I saw the age group win and 11th overall I knew that you had run very well. What a bummer to get that stitch when you were going so strong. However, it just shows how far you’ve come—to still meet your original time goal and do exceptionally well from a competitive standpoint in spite of your troubles. You should be loaded with confidence now. Congratulations!

I should be loaded with confidence now? I should? Huh? And then I thought about it. Wow. That's such a different way to look at it. What I see as some sort of failure, others see as an accomplishment. I consider myself a realist. I am not one to pat myself on the back for something that is not worthy of patting myself on the back for the sake of making myself feel good. I am a lawyer, afterall. I know that there is always an argument for whatever point I want to make. If I want to argue I am so utterly awesome for this race, I could. I guess in trying to see the "truth" of the situation I kind of knee-jerked and got stuck on the negative aspect of the whole thing. In reality there is a little bit of failure mixed in with a lot of accomplishment. I guess I'm not a huge wuss if I focus more on the accomplishment part.

In other news on my way back to the office from my run, as I passed the throngs of sunken eyed sneaky smokers, I passed a van that said "Disability Records" and had a little handicap symbol with sweet rims on the wheelchair as it's logo. All afternoon I've been wondering what kind of music might be on a Disability Record. Food for thought.

5 comments:

Jennifer said...

The admired runner from therunzone said it much better than I did, Laura. You should defintely be loaded with confidence now. Not by comparing to what other people would think of your result, but by what YOU have achieved through your training and hard work.

I understand you not wanting to "pat yourself on the back" because things didn't go perfectly. I understand how very serious runners can be perfectionists, and I'm sometimes guilty of that myself in my races. I like to be realistic of how good a result is. But I also think we can be in a better place by focusing on positives rather than negatives.

I'm glad you're feeling better, and I hope it gets better still.

Joseph P. Wood said...

It's good Jim (I hope I'm right on the identity of the poster) commented on the race report because he has something neither you nor I nor many type-A "serious" runners our age have--life experience.

Jim's able to say enjoy and be pleased because he's most likely been there: the choice of self-critical vs. self-rewarding. I think, if this makes any sense, Jim's comment implies duality: be both critically honest about your performance and be happy. It's about letting the experience be the experience as opposed to creating an editorial about the experience. I have no fucking idea if this makes sense.

In other words, if one doesn't appreciate one's accomplishments, it's a recipe to run oneself into the ground. I know...

Side note: I didn't MRP was a marathoner? He was doing some wicked volume. Was he with a post-college team? Did he run in college? Whatever, that's impressive...

The Salty One said...

I didn't want to ANOTHER woe is me post, but at the same time I'm still working through it and I know you guys have probably been through it too so why not just share and maybe get some good insight into how to get over it. Bingo!

It does just help knowing others have gone through it.

jennifer-do you have a blog? I can never get enough intelligent blogs written by female runners...

Joseph--YEah, it's Jim. He is always very reasonable in his critiques and compliments so I highly value his feedback. YES. That is my problem--I have to place a value/judgment on everything. Instead of just accepting what happened, I have judged it to be a bad thing. MAybe, no actually, it just is.

Re mrp's running: he picked up running as a hobby--ran a marathon on a dare his senior year of college and has been doing it since. He's run something like 12 marathons. When we met he was hard core runner dude and I was just a regular trotter on the gym treadmill.

E-Speed said...

I am amazed with your accomplishment. Bummed that a side stitch kept you from your goal but amazed you can run so fast still with a side stitch! Maybe I'll get there some day :)

Jennifer said...

jennifer-do you have a blog? I can never get enough intelligent blogs written by female runners...

Thanks. I don't have a blog, but sometimes I think I should start one.