Thursday, January 10, 2008

Safety Security Ambition

So, "they" called me yesterday and I have been very busy scrambling to write a resume and get writing samples in order. It's funny how I got so complacent in this job that I forgot that I could do something else if I wanted to. It was nice to revisit all my accomplishments and see them all on one sheet of paper. If you haven't updated your resume in a while, I recommend it if for no other reason than an ego boost.

But now that this is materializing, I am feeling very conflicted. On the one hand, mrp and I have a very stable thing going here. We have a wonderful home in a river valley surrounded by nature, yet close enough to work that commuting isn't a guarantee of road rage. Our jobs here are very safe--we can work at our company until we retire and make a very decent living and rarely have to take work home with us.

Yet, we both struggle with safety versus going for it. We are not happy to coast. It's possible to advance in corporate america. It is. But, we aren't sure it's the kind of advancement we are looking for. However, life is more than our careers and perhaps our jobs can merely bankroll the advancements in other areas of our lives?

Anyway, it sounds like this potential job would require a move about 2 hours away. If it did not require the move I would jump on it, I think. In that case, I could take the pay cut I almost surely will have to take. But, to have to uproot our life and take a pay cut may be just too much for me and us.

The thing is, my family does not have money. Yet, I always felt money should not dictate whether or not I should pursuit my ambition. All these years I have operated under this principle and this has gotten me quite far. However, it's gotten me into debt! And frankly, I'm sick of being broke and scared and feeling like I can't pull my weight. I hate that I am drawn to the low-paying jobs! Why can't I long to bill hours at a top firm? (That was a rhetorical question.) Sure, this job would likely be a precursor to something much higher paying, but I feel like I've been saying that every time I decide to go to school or take a job that doesn't pay a top salary. See, this is precisely the kind of bind I never wanted to get in--deep down I believe money should not drive this kind of decision. But, is that really realistic?

Anyway, I am pursuing the job regardless. This is all premature speculation at this point. I still want to see where this takes me. Maybe it doesn't pay as little as I think it does. Maybe we can work something out where I don't have to move. Maybe I don't get an offer to begin with but I make contacts for the future anyway. Who knows.


So, you came to read about running, did you? Fine. It was sunny and relatively warm in the mid-40's yesterday (but oh so windy!) so I met my buddy for a lunchtime trip to the track. It was a glorious day really and it felt so good to be back on the rubber. Before we went I thought maybe I'd do something like this: 400 800 1200 400 1200 800 400 at 5k pace with 1/2 distance recoveries. But, 1) I underestimated the distance of that workout and 2) on my low mileage I can't handle that much yet. So, I managed to run 400 800 1200 800 400 with the 1/2 distance recoveries plus 3 x 100 hard at the end. It was windy, but even so I realized that my endurance has suffered since I cut my mileage back. I was solid on the 400's and 800's but fell apart a bit on the 1200. I managed:

18, 19, 18 for the 100's.

I was shooting for 6:04 pace, so I was under on the short stuff and not too too bad for the 12:00 which was about a 6:15 pace. On the 1200 the wind seemed ridiculously harder than it had on the previous two laps, but I suspect that's mental and that really I just flaked because it was the longest rep and the middle rep. So, whatever. The relatively easy feeling 86 second 400 makes me feel better about it! In theory I'd like to keep the track workout in the schedule just to keep things fun, but winter will be back any day now and I sure as hell am not doing this on the treadmill! So, maybe it was just a one time fun little workout. And that's fine for now.


Mindi said...

I would go for it and get that resume in the right hands (as it sounds like you are). If it is meant to work out, it will. I honestly believe in that theory, as hokey as it may be. So far it has served me very well.

If/when the time comes that you have to decide what to do, you will definitely have a lot to weigh. You may have to put off plans that are important to you, you may take that pay cut, etc... I'm sure it will be a hard choice.

As far as professionally speaking though, if the job is what I think it is, it is an awesome opportunity that most laywers do not come across. It would be a great experience and it would open many, many doors for you down the road.

You will just need to decide if it is personally worth it for you when decision time comes.

Good luck!!

Nice running. I decided yesterday that I do not have a good base for the speedy stuff yet. What a crap reality considering how fast fitness fades....

Tom said...

Good luck in your decision. These questions of life and balance are the most difficult ones. I don't have any advice to offer you.

"Why can't I long to bill long hours at a top firm". LOL!

Joseph P. Wood said...

Yeah, ditto Mindi. Things happen for a reason--good or bad--and you're pursuing the right course of action. If it's the right fit, you'll work out the details...

Nonetheless, it's great news and I'm happy to hear it.

Fingers crossed.

Meghan said...

Aw man, what developments, Salty! Making those big decisions are sometimes so tough. I fight with that same issue sometimes, do I really want to pushpushpush my career and sacrifice other aspects of life or vice versa? And, can we please just have it all and not have to make such a choice? Good luck with the mulling!


Mindi said...

"Why can't I long to bill long hours at a top firm". LOL!

That is NOT funny Tom!! :)