Monday, June 30, 2008

Of Mountains and Molehills

I am trying to have a good day here people! I am sitting here in my office listening to the beautiful sounds of a jackhammer and my industrious co-workers yapping and being generally annoying down the hall. My admin just showed up and is wearing flip-flops. On the bus this morning I sat in front of a high school freshman going to summer school who jacked his ipod up 500 decibels when Come on Eileen came on. Sure, listening to someone else's ipod is annoying, but it was so amusing to me that he had to turn it up for that song that it was actually quite endearing. Still kept me from napping though. The one good thing is that it's cool today. It's staying under 70 degrees so you better believe I'm heading out there! I just hope I can sneak out early and still get back for an anniversary luncheon for one of my co-workers. But I baked chocolate chip cookies for the occasion so even if I'm a little late I won't feel too guilty.

Anyway, thanks for indulging my peanut stuff there. Although rationally I know we have nothing to worry about and peanut is just fine, I have had a couple of freak out episodes. But to be perfectly honest, I don't think it has anything to do with the CPC. I have had mini-freak out episodes pretty much all along. The CPC is just the latest thing to latch on to and worry about. I am so ridiculous that I even worry that I worry too much! I probably do, but worrying about worrying is just ... well I don't think I need to explain.

This is nothing new and not isolated to my pregnancy by any stretch. I did the same thing with my training, envisioning the worst case scenario du jour and running with it. Most of the time I could enjoy my training but I would occasionally get on that negative focused kick and be too stressed or scared of a bad outcome to really enjoy it. I can see it in this post leading up to my first marathon. I can see it in this post leading up to Boston. And I can see it in this post before my last marathon. I always tried to get on top of those worries and learn from them: I really can trust myself and my abilities; there's always a lot of counter-evidence to my worries that is much better to focus on (focus on the 99.9% rather than the .1%); although trusting others is hard, it's necessary and important.

Pregnancy is like training in many ways. And the cool thing is that I can use the lessons I've learned through training to make my pregnancy better and hopefully I'll be able to use the lessons I've learned in pregnancy to make my training better.

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