Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Like a Brick

Running always had a place in my life. When I was a kid it was my mechanism for proving I could hang with the boys in the neighborhood. When I was a teenager and unaware of the concept of consistent training it was like that boy I so wanted to like me but just didn't. After high school it was that thing I so longed to do but thought I couldn't: time, injuries, etc. After law school at first it was something I decided I would unconditionally love and would accept whatever it gave in return. Later, I became so immersed and so loved by running that it became my sweet escape from all my worries. And now.

With peanut, running has taken on a new place in my life. I cannot escape into it like I once did. Although I do long to let my body prove itself out on the race course or out on the track from time to time, I do not feel on the outside looking in like I did through adolescence and young adulthood. It feels like such an innate part of who I am now. I feel its rich love for me despite it's subordinate place in my life.

No, I cannot escape into it like I once did. But these days as I struggle through the weeks of summer between father's day and my father's birthday this Saturday, running, even the little bit I do, brings me peace. I cannot hide in it and pretend I'm not sad, but I can let it comfort me for a little while. And when I run, I cannot forget I'm sad and miss my dad, but I can feel safe and secure when I do.

And that's one of the great beauties of running. Our relationship with it weathers and matures, yet it always has a place.


MimiBPM said...

Hi. My name is Mimi and I stumbled upon your blog when I was browsing some other running blogs and I've been reading it now and then for the past few months. I really like it, keep coming back. Lost my father when I was 11 too. Similar upbringing in Pennsylvania. My PRs are all in the range of yours though I have yet to do a marathon (this Nov. if all goes well). Anyway, I ran through a pregnancy and have an excellent come back plan post partum if you want to get running again after the baby is born. I train with a 1996 10,000m olympian, and it was her comeback plan after her babies were born. She's a fine masters runner now. It's challenging and motivating, but won't break ya. Email me and I'll pass it along. Thanks for the blog. I like it so much. Mogrady@nc.rr.com

Meghan said...

Hi Salty,

Indeed, running is our rock. Well said. Thinking of you during this time.


Joseph P. Wood said...

Salty, well put indeed. I think these past few months have brought a real peace to your introspection.

Mindi said...

Sending internet hugs, Salty. Well spoken, as always.