the treadmill : daycare :: running outside : hangin' with the 'rents.
This is the deep thought I had as I ran outside on a beautiful winter afternoon about a week ago. Unfortunately, with no day time babysitters and temps well below reasonable I was stuck on the mill all week. I don't mind really. I think the worst part is having to cram in a run right after mrp gets home from work or even worse having to cram it in while peanut swings and stares at me or takes a nap because invariably he fusses before I can get into a groove. I guess the part that stinks is always being in a rush. It's exacerbated by the treadmill because then I can micromanage the pace so I often feel obligated to push it as fast as I feel comfortable to go. The part of my brain that fears injury from doing too much too soon mitigates the rush rush part, but it still keeps me from just running a comfy pace and fully enjoying myself. I do enjoy running despite these minor annoyances, believe me! I cannot wait to head downstairs to my treadmill each day and when I'm on it you might catch me doing a little run/dance or singing along to a great song on my ipod.
When I run outside I don't have these annoyances. I can't hear peanut's cries in between songs. I can forget my need to hurry up and lose myself in the snow-covered river banks or wondering how I possibly made it up that hill without dying. I can also think about things more objectively, like whether to stay with my current job, what do I really want from my career and what would truly make my family and myself happy.
On Thursday, I took peanut to meet his babysitter--the woman who will be watching him when I go back to work in just 3 weeks and 6 days! She is a wonderful woman and she definitely has a magic touch. Peanut was so calm and content in her arms and the other little boy she watches (my cousin's one year old son) was so happy and cuddly with her. I feel this is the best set-up we can muster and the comfort I feel when I think about it makes it possible for me to go back even temporarily. But no matter how lovely a person the babysitter is, I can't help but think that peanut, mrp and me, the three of us, and me are being cheated of the all the beautiful scenery that a life less hectic and more togetherness breeds.
On Fridays my mother-in-law comes over to watch peanut so I can get a run outside in the daylight. Crappily, yesterday was -4 when she planned to come over so we decided she might as well stay home. I tried to squeeze in a run while peanut watched me in the swing, but he got bored pretty quickly and I was only able to piece together 3 miles in between soothing him and trying to get him to nap. I eventually gave up on the run, settling for the three but I only did so with the knowledge that I was going to get out today for 8 winding through the beautiful winter landscape outside.