Mrp let me use his laptop. It's his work laptop so I have to be extra extra nice to it. (e.g no coffee within 3 feet!) I am about 90% sure I am going to get a mac, but I am just not ready to bite the bullet. I am in the middle of my last 6 weeks of maternity leave and I am forgoing 3 paychecks in the process. I have a small savings, but I think it's best I wait at least until I'm getting paid again. I would gladly be less responsible in the past, but with peanut and my desire to at least pursue other career paths soon I have to be more careful.
In other news, I am still fat. I cannot stand it. I have held steady at 17 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight for 3 weeks now! It's killing me. I still can't fit into my fat clothes so I am going to have to get new clothes to go back to work in 3.5 weeks. I considered dieting, but I can't while nursing. Again, I would totally get all crazy with a diet before peanut, but the responsible thing is to eat healthfully when I'm hungry and that's what I'm doing. The only junk I'm eating are the occasional tofutti cutie or soggy life cereal with rice milk (which is my 3rd love!) Oh, too much dairy irritates the nut's tummy so I'm off that for a while (I can have small amounts of cheese with no repurcussions, but drinking milk or eating ice cream, sour cream, lots of cheese is totally off limits lest poor peanut writhes around in gassy agony). I cut out the cookies and any other junk. I have been snacking on roasted almonds and raisins and the occasional Kashi cheese cracker. I eat natural pb and j's on whole wheat or Amy's organic soups for lunch. I've been making lean fish for dinner a couple of times a week and serving it with sweet potato hash or whole grain pilaf and salad and the other nights are veggie burgers or whole wheat spaghetti.
Why am I still so fat?! Is it hormones? Mrp says my body is making muscle so it will take a while. Did I really lose that much muscle when I was pregnant? In all honesty, the one pair of nonmaternity jeans I own that I can fit in are getting loose, but still none of my other old clothes fit. And even worse, my wedding rings still don't fit! And the scale is still freaking me out!
Here's where I lay it all out. During the racing season I weighed 127 with occasional dips as low as 124 (probably dehydration!) Click here to see what I looked like at this weight. In the winter time I'd usually hover between 130-133 lbs. Click here to see what I looked like at this weight. My size 0 or 2 clothes still fit at that weight. I realize that these weight numbers seem high for those sizes, but I've always been a bit dense I guess--slavic genes? So, doing the math I now weigh 149! Yikes! I have never ever ever weighed this much. When I first went to the doctor for my 6 week appointment they had me at 156!!! I almost passed out when I heard that! Like I said, no matter what the number I refuse to deal with it irresponsibly. I am trying to have faith that it will melt off and that I will get back under 130 eventually. But being a type-A goal-oriented person it kills me to have to sit here and be patient about it! That is until I look at my adoreable little peanut. It's worth it. And it will come off and I will get back into those clothes if I keep eating healthfully and keep nursing and running--right?