There is something about me that I put up with something and try making the best of it until one day I realize that no matter how hard I work at it I cannot make it into what I want it to be all by myself. Scandal alert! I was married for the latter half of my 20's to someone I was thoroughly incompatible with. Looking back, it made no sense to anyone who knew me why I was married to this person. Yet, I stayed married to him for 5 years. I ultimately decided enough was enough one day. I had been working tirelessly to make things better for years. I never gave up. I focused on the positive and down-played the negatives. And one day after spending a lot of my free time by myself I realize that no matter how hard I worked at this relationship it would never ever be a good one. I couldn't single-handedly force it into what I needed and so with no fan-fare whatsoever I said good bye. Of course there is much more to the story than that and I have always taken marriage very seriously, but I assure you this was the most obvious right thing to do and up until that point it was obvious to everyone but me.
Now here I sit at my kitchen table as my son swings back and forth next to me in his little private dreamland. (Aw! He is talking in his sleep!) Over the last almost 11 weeks I have come to realize the same thing about my job. Everyone who really knows me must have been wondering what the hell I was doing working as a corporate drone. I know I was attracted to the stability and predictability--the safety of the job. But now that I have had time to think about it, I am so bored and feel so uninspired there. I feel so far away from the best career-person I can be and the thought of ditching peanut all day for this job really rubs me the wrong way. Throw in the fact that they refused to allow me to move my schedule up one measly hour earlier and yeah, I'm over it.
And just like getting divorced and embarking on newly single life is scary, so is quitting a job. Of course, it will be much easier if I have a rebound at the ready. So that is where I am now, wondering whether there really is something better out there. In the universe of husbands my risk so so so paid off and I really did find my perfect match. Oh sweet beautiful mrp, did I! But, now I am in career purgatory. Heading back home to a job I do not love and hoping and wishing and crossing fingers for one that I do.
And this is the stuff I think about on my treadmill in my basement. That and when the heck am I going to fit back into my clothes?!