Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I got into the office yesterday and of course there was someone sitting in his office shooting the breeze. Of course! And then I went to get a cup of coffee and of course he had a meeting. I wrote up a race report for the blog. Took care of some administrative stuff. I pumped. That seemed to buy enough time and after a quick pee break to get a handle on my nerves I walked into his office and asked if he had a minute to talk.
It went so much better than I thought. While I was still on maternity leave I had asked to switch my schedule from 8:00 to 5:00 to 7:00 to 4:00 and was denied. I thought if they won't let me move my schedule up an hour they surely won't allow me to go part-time. Behind the scenes, I've been trying to line up something else more flexible that would allow us to pay the bills and allow me more time with peanut. I was a networking fool! I am working with a placement agency. I am planning to take a course so I can be be appointed to guardian ad litem positions from time to time. When I walked into his office yesterday, I was ready to quit.
No matter how much I might like my job, I cannot give peanut less than my 100% best self. And I cannot be my 100% best parent self working these hours at this job. I need more time. I don't need to spend 100% of my time with peanut to be the best parent I can be either, but it has to be more time than I currently have. No matter how much I like my job, am committed to my job, and loyal to my job, I cannot stay at my job if it prevents me from being the best parent I can be. That is a stand I must take.
I closed his door and sat down across from him and laid it all out my dilemma. I made it clear that I want to work out a solution that allows me to be the best parent I can be and also allows me to stay at my job, but that if I have to choose peanut wins every time. And much to my surprise, he did not laugh at me when I told him that the perfect solution to me is part-time. Instead, he started brainstorming all the ways we could make that happen. It is not a slam dunk. It very well might not happen, but the possibility is there. That alone is much better than I expected! And I am so glad I walked over my fear and into his office. At least I have to choose to leave, I know I did everything I could do to work things out and I made the right choice.
Posted by The Salty One at 9:01 AM