You know, there was a time in my life when I really didn't understand sexism. My understanding of it was limited to 1) it's dumb and 2) it doesn't effect me. I have always thought of myself as a feminist who isn't afraid to go after what I want and won't let the fact that I'm a girl stand in my way. And for the most part, no one ever did--hence, my belief I was immune to sexism. I had a baby and it changed everything.
Suddenly I felt marked. You know, the scarlet M for mommy. I felt like any time I showed a hint of emotion or weakness at work I would be immediately relegated to the mommy track. That's not because anyone put me there, that was just what was in my own head. It took a lot for me to come around and realize that the feminist thing to do is to be authentic and to admit what I want and to go for it. No matter what that something was, it was the right thing for me. I'm not weak for missing my baby when I'm at work and I'm not weak for wanting to work part-time for a while. It doesn't mean that I don't value my career, or that I'm not a hard worker, or that I'm any less important than a man. I'm different from the men, because I'm not a man. And that doesn't mean I'm less than a man. I'm just different. I have come to realize that going for what I need for a fulfilling life no matter what it is, is always the
In other news it is beautiful out, yet no run for me today. A long time ago I agreed to take a law student to lunch to impart career advice and do a little networking. I love doing things like this, but at the same time the only time I can get a run in on work days is during my lunch hour right now so I had to sacrifice a run which hurt! I am feeling really good and just want to get out there and put some miles on my legs! I suppose it's probably a good thing to impose some speed bumps on myself so I don't overdo it. It has been about 9 or 10 days since I've had a day off. I can get out my excitement on the track tomorrow. Yeah! Maybe it's the weather, but I am seriously feeling the itch to train like nothing I've ever felt before. I am so excited to get out there and have some fun. I just wish I had a little more freedom to get in the miles. It will come, I'm sure.
But really, I am glad I went to the lunch. The student was really excited about his impending career and it seemed like my advice held some resonance. It was actually a fun time and I had a really nice Vietnamese lunch (vegetarian spring roll vermicelli bown with cucumbers and peanuts--mmmm). What's really scaring me though is that I did not run, went out to lunch and am still sitting here starving and holding myself back from devouring the brown bag lunch I brought on the off-chance my law student date cancelled. Help!