Monday, April 12, 2010

Grandpa Sings

Thanks to everyone for your kind words last week. It was a rough week, but it turned out to be a good week too. I spent so much time with my extended family and bonded with my cousins and aunts and uncles like I haven't in years. As different as we all are we all share a common love for my grandparents and it really showed.

I surprised myself in how free I felt with my emotions. I was worried that my grandfather's death would open up old wounds left in the wake of my father's death, but it really didn't. I guess that's what happens when you actually deal with grief. If anything, I felt very satisfied in knowing that I had a wonderful relationship with my grandfather and that peanut did too. We visited my grandparents almost every week for the last 9 months or so. He loved playing with his cane and riding on his motorized wheelchair. The most touching moment ever came one day after we had lunch at their house a few months back. My grandfather was very weak, but always insisted on letting peanut sit on his lap, usually for a cart ride. One thing he always said he wanted to do was read to peanut. So, I brought some books for my grandparents to keep at their house. Peanut got one of the books and started to come towards me with it as if he wanted me to read to him. Just as I was about to take the book from him peanut turned his head to my grandfather and then changed his mind and handed my grandfather the book. My grandfather had tears in his eyes--it made him so happy. How could I have any regrets after that?

Last night I had lots of dreams. The last one I remember was walking into my grandparents kitchen and I could hear my grandfather singing--he loved to sing! I could hear the song as if he was right there next to me. I know I won't always be able to recall his voice, but I can still remember how he sounded when he sang and when he said, "Hi Thaniel!" to peanut when he greeted him. Simple memories can be such a treasure!

7 comments:

Laura said...

First I'm so sorry for your loss...I know how difficult it can be....and second I'm soooo happy for you that your son got to meet your Grandfather...it is such a wonderful thing. It is my biggest regret in life that I never made it back home with my daughter before my Grandmother passed away. My thoughts will be with you through this time.

jsmarslender said...

So glad that you have good memories of your relationship with your grandpa - and that peanut and your grandpa enjoyed each other too. I think dreams sometimes come for a reason; enjoy a sense of peace. Take care.

chelle said...

It made me smile to read your lovely memories of peanut with your Grandfather. It really was a wonderful gift for all three of you that they got that time together, a boy at the beginning of his life and a man in the twilight of his years. I've got my fingers crossed that my grandmother's health will last for at least a few years longer so she can enjoy the great-grandkids from her oldest daughter's side of the family. We waited long enough!

Looks like you have some beautiful photos to show peanut too when you tell him these stories when he's older.

Mindi said...

Wonderful post. It is beautiful when families come together after a loss. I am glad you have been able to do that and cherish your dear grandpa.

DC Running Mama said...

I was really moved by a quote from the Temple Grandin movie. Temple always asked where the animals went when they died. She couldn't (as I can't) grasp how they could be so alive one minute and just gone the next. One of her teachers told her that they were still alive in her memories. And, they are. Your memories of your grandfather will always be with you, where he will be alive and singing and reading to your peanut. My heart is with you during this hard time.

DaisyDuc said...

Laura, had not checked in for a bit and am very sorry to hear about your lost. Glad you were able to bond with your family. Thinking of you!

Katie said...

Hey Salty,
Totally off the subject, but I was looking for your email address (you mentioned it a while back but I got caught up in everything and never emailed you). I wanted to let you know that I used the birth plan you posted as a starting point for ours (eek, two months till the due date!) and am so happy that we've been taking Bradley classes.