I surprised myself in how free I felt with my emotions. I was worried that my grandfather's death would open up old wounds left in the wake of my father's death, but it really didn't. I guess that's what happens when you actually deal with grief. If anything, I felt very satisfied in knowing that I had a wonderful relationship with my grandfather and that peanut did too. We visited my grandparents almost every week for the last 9 months or so. He loved playing with his cane and riding on his motorized wheelchair. The most touching moment ever came one day after we had lunch at their house a few months back. My grandfather was very weak, but always insisted on letting peanut sit on his lap, usually for a cart ride. One thing he always said he wanted to do was read to peanut. So, I brought some books for my grandparents to keep at their house. Peanut got one of the books and started to come towards me with it as if he wanted me to read to him. Just as I was about to take the book from him peanut turned his head to my grandfather and then changed his mind and handed my grandfather the book. My grandfather had tears in his eyes--it made him so happy. How could I have any regrets after that?
Last night I had lots of dreams. The last one I remember was walking into my grandparents kitchen and I could hear my grandfather singing--he loved to sing! I could hear the song as if he was right there next to me. I know I won't always be able to recall his voice, but I can still remember how he sounded when he sang and when he said, "Hi Thaniel!" to peanut when he greeted him. Simple memories can be such a treasure!