Saturday, June 26, 2010

Origami

I've learned a lot about life from running and now I've learned a lot about life from pregnancy. I always thought my sheer will and determination were my best qualities. I love being a type-A. But in running and in pregnancy, this characteristic isn't always helpful.

It's easy to always want to steamroll your way to achieving a goal. It's a lot harder to know when to fold 'em, as Kenny would say. No matter how hard I work or how much I want something I can't always affect the outcome. Sometimes in a race the body, the conditions, the course, the weather, etc don't cooperate and leave achieving a time goal out of my control. In pregnancy, sometimes even while experiencing contractions for two days in a row the body really isn't ready to go into full-blown labor even if I employ every labor stimulating activity known to mankind and walk miles and bounce on the exercise ball and WILL it to happen. And there comes a point in both a race and pregnancy where we need to acknowledge some things are just out of our hands and ... let go.

So, although it was really really hard I let go and let my contractions fade away and realized that yes, I was in "false" labor and that it's best for everyone to rest, relax and enjoy these extra days. Let go of feeling the need to stay mobil to get labor restarted. Let go of feeling like I MUST have this baby tonight! Let go of feeling like it's all up to me if I just try a little harder. Let of of the feeling that it's GOOD to have the baby sooner and BAD to have the baby later. Let go of it all and just sink into what is. Embrace the here and now. Yadda yadda yadda, new-age psychobabble bla bla bla. But really. Just let go. It's time to fold 'em.

And now I am sitting here this morning. The sun is streaming in the window. I can hear mrp and peanut reading books in the other room. I feel rested from my 8 hours of sleep and excited to share the day with my family.

2 comments:

jsmarslender said...

I think you're handling all of this very well. : ) For about two weeks or so before Claire was born, I would wake up in the middle of the night with regular contractions and get all excited and then they'd disappear by mid-morning. I guess our bodies just need a little bit of a warm-up sometimes.

Enjoy your weekend! Rest up and you'll all be ready.

Katie said...

Good luck! Can't wait to read some good news soon!