Monday, October 24, 2011

Patience and Faith

Patience and faith. Yesterday morning I sent my usual training week summary to Coach. I summed up my feelings about the marathon: "I am still disappointed, but enjoying the process of learning patience and faith." I hit send, but this idea, learning patience and faith, remained with me.

It's been seven months since I started training with Coach G. I've worked harder than I've ever worked before. I've always known that progress in running does not happen overnight, but pretty early on I was rockin' faster tempos and track workouts that I ever had. Yet, race after race after race (I could go on!) I've fallen short of my own expectations. It is immensely frustrating to not breakthrough after attempt after attempt. I feel like I rock it in training and then just run within a couple of seconds of my p.r. in almost every race. I can't seem to make the leap in my race performances.

I have weathered these disappointments by assuring myself the training just needs to soak in. Plug along, be consistent and the race results will follow. But they haven't. The marathon was somewhat easier to swallow just because I've experienced similar disappointment all throughout this training cycle.

Sometimes I wonder if there is something about me that will keep me stuck at the 52 VDOT, or whatever Jack Daniels says I am, forever! Coach G always says, "you don't need me to get faster. If you just want to get faster you can do that on your own." "Oh really?" I often wonder to myself in response.

Despite a lot of doubts, I still have faith. Besides the disappointments I've had a couple of signs that a big breakthrough is just a matter of time. In addition to the killer workouts, of the 2 5ks I've run this season, they were both substantially faster than my previous p.r. (26 and 34 seconds faster). And I ran 6:18 pace for 7.9 rolling miles for my Akron Marathon relay leg.

After the marathon, I found solace in believing I can log some decent prs in the 5 mile and the 5k before the end of the year. It's hard to believe that after so many disappointments. But I really do have faith in Coach G, the idea that consistent hard work will pay off, and of course my own abilities. It's hard to actually admit that through those doubting feelings, but I really do.

Patience and faith. Somehow we began potty training peanut the week before the marathon. Potty training is one of those daunting tasks of parenting. For me anyway, it seems like this insurmountable mountain of wet pants. But everyday, despite the occasional peeing of the pants or crying fit about not wanting to use the potty, there are glimmers of hope that he will actually be a fully functioning potty user very soon. "I am so proud of you, peanut!" "I am proud of me, too, mommy!" I do need to go buy some more underpants, unless I want to do 17 loads of laundry each week!

#2 is adorable and very independent. She just brings so much joy to all of us. But the one thing that is driving me absolutely crazy is that the girl WILL NOT WALK! She will be 16 months in just a few short days, yet refuses to take a step. She can dance standing up and not holding on to anything. She can climb on anything, including up and down the stairs. Yet, she will crawl any time she needs to go somewhere. If her knees hurt her, she bear crawls! It's at once hilarious and exasperating. After innumerable times seeing her stand and feeling sure this is the moment she will take her first step, I gave up that expectation. Now she stands and I know it is a matter of moments before she drops to her knees to crawl to her target. Although it seems like it will never happen. She will walk. It's just a matter of time. I have faith.


Janet Edwards said...

well this girl has got crazy faith that your breakthrough is coming!

Mindi said...

I am so right there with you. It will come for you. I know it.'

And enjoy these times - the potty training, etc. Everyone says it goes fast and you think about how slowly the days actually eclipse by. But it flies. And these days are awesome. :) (They continue to be for at least 10 more years too - after that I have no experience but have faith they will be).

Laura said...

Just found you through the mother runner site, and really enjoyed reading! I'm a sahm to a 2 yr old, and am also a fan of attachment parenting. You are super speedy-- way to keep it strong post kids!