* So I am officially injured. I haven't actually been injured to the extent I could not run for more than a day or two for YEARS. It's been 6 years. The last time I was injured I wasn't even training for anything and hadn't really raced anything yet. It's tougher now that I have actual running goals and a team relying on me and running dates that make me happy. It's so hard to feel like all my hard work is swirling down the toilet bowl. It's hard not to feel like I need to surmount Mt. Everest just to get back to where I left off. It's hard to not be able to get out with my friends. These days running is so much a part of my life, it's so disorienting to not be able to do it.
At the same time, my injury strangely lined up with peanut getting very sick. He had a super high fever for three days. The pinnacle of his illness came on Wednesday night (Thursday morning). He woke up at 2 a.m. It was not surprising as his motrin should have worn off around 1:30 so his fever was probably spiking. I heard him open his door and then I heard him yell, "MOMMY! I'M BIG! I'M BIG!" Not sure why he kept saying that every time his medicine wore off, but he did. Maybe he was delerious? Anyway, I got up and as I was walking up the stairs I heard him gag and then he yelled, "I PUKED!" I wasn't surprised, except I knew his stomach was empty and the vomit was a dark blotch on the carpet. I took him in and gave him some more motrin. Mrp came up and saw the vomit and said, "Salty, that looks like blood." We got out a flashlight and checked it out. Sure enough, it was bright red and mucousy. "HOLY SH*T!" Mrp and I were freaked out and super worried. We quickly pow-wowed and decided mrp would take peanut to the ER and I would stay with #2 and bring her up if necessary in the morning. I was frantic. They left and I put every phone right next to me in bed. I couldn't sleep. I so wanted to check the internet for reasons for vomiting blood, but I knew better. I just waited.
Finally, I got a text. A bloody nose. I think my sigh of relief was audible through the whole neighborhood. He was ok! Apparently a bloody nose in a sleeping little boy with an empty irritated belly can cause bloody vomit. You learn something new everyday.
But I have to say it was nice to not have to worry about when I was going to squeeze in my tempo or weekend miles when my family needed me. It is possible to train at a high level and be a good mom. Of course it is! But, so often I feel conflicted about getting out for an hour or two and meeting the needs of my family and that's when everything is going hunky-dory in the household. It was nice to not even have to worry about any of that and just dedicate myself to helping my little peanut feel better during this rough week.
I really am trying to see the opportunity in this setback. Before I was sidelined, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by my training load and sometimes dreading runs. But this week when I could barely run a step, I felt myself really miss the opportunity to attempt my tough workouts. I also realized that sometimes I am overly rigid about getting my runs in and put too much pressure on myself to nail the training goals every single day. As a mom who takes my role as a mom very seriously I have to accept that I WILL miss workouts and goal paces, etc. if I am going to perform my primary job well. It's just a fact. I think accepting that can help with those conflicted feelings I so often feel. I also firmly believe--and this one is tough for a type-a person like me--that if I can achieve 90% of my training goals I will still be one heck of a runner and still see awesome race times. I can let go a little and still do just fine. In fact, it might be better and I won't run myself so ragged.
This injury is my body trying to tell me something. I am starting to understand what she's saying, but there's a lot more left to understand.